[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
he could make it without interruption.
Trying to show neither haste nor hesitation, Lioren walked down the ward in a
gathering silence. He looked briefly at the seated or recumbent patients he
passed, and they stared back at him. He had never learned to read Cromsaggar
facial expressions and had no idea of what they were thinking. When he reached
the largest group of patients he stopped.
"I am Lioren," he said.
Page 126
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
It was obvious that they already knew who and what he was. The patients who
had been sitting or lying on the nearby beds rose quickly to their feet and
gathered around him, and those further along the ward hurried to join the
others until he was completely encircled by still and silent Cromsaggar.
A sharp, clear memory of his first meeting with one of them rose in Lioren's
mind. It had been a female attacking him in defense of an imagined threat to
infants sleeping in another part of its dwelling, and even though its body had
displayed the discoloration and muscle wastage of disease and malnutrition, it
had come close to inflicting serious injury on him. Now he was surrounded by
more than thirty Cromsaggar whose bodies and limbs were well-muscled and
healthy. He knew well the damage that those horny, long-nailed feet and hard
medial hands could inflict because he had seen them fighting each other not
quite to the death.
On Cromsag they had fought with ferocity but total control, with the intention
of inflicting maximum damage short of killing, and with the sole purpose of
stirring their near-atrophied endocrine systems into sufficient activity to
enable them to procreate and survive as a species. But Lioren was not another
Cromsaggar and would-be mate; he was the creature responsible for countless
thousands of their deaths and of all but destroying their race. They might not
want to control the hatred they must feel for him, or the urge to tear his
body apart limb from limb.
He wondered whether the distant Hellishomar was still influencing the minds of
the guard and the two nurses, for normally they could not have helped seeing
the crowd closing in around him and would have attempted a rescue. He wished
that the
Groalterri would not be so thorough in its mind control because suddenly he
did not want his life to end in this or any other fashion, and then he
realized that his thoughts were clear to Hellishomar and he felt an even
greater shame.
That which he was about to do and say was shameful enough without adding to it
the dishonor of personal cowardice. Slowly he looked at each one of the faces
surrounding him and spoke.
"I am Lioren," he said. "You know that I am the being responsible for causing
the deaths of many thousands of your people. This was a crime too great for
expiation and it is only fair that the punishment should lie in your hands.
But before this punishment is carried out, I wish to say that I am truly sorry
for what I have done, and humbly ask your forgiveness."
The feeling of shame at what he had just done was not as intense as he had
expected, Lioren thought as he waited for the onslaught. In fact he felt
relieved and very good.
Chapter 27
THE Monitor guard insists that he did not see you enter the ward," the Chief
Psychologist said in a quiet but very angry voice, "and the nurses did not
know you were there until the Cromsaggar were suddenly standing around and
shouting at you. When the guard went in to investigate you told him that he
should not be concerned, that they were having a religious argument which he
was welcome to join, although he says that he had heard quieter riots. Tarlans
are not noted either for their sarcasm or their sense of humor, so I must
assume you spoke the truth. What happened in that ward, dammit? Or have you
imposed another oath of secrecy on yourself?"
"No, sir," Lioren replied quietly. "The conversations were public and
confidentiality was neither asked for nor implied. When you sent for me I was
preparing a detailed report for you on the whole "
"Summarize it," O'Mara said sharply.
"Yes, sir," Lioren said, and tried to find a balance between accuracy and
brevity as he went on. "When I identified myself, apologized, and asked
forgiveness for the great wrong I had committed against them "
"You apologized?" O'Mara broke in. "That that was unexpected."
Page 127
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
"So was the behavior of the Cromsaggar," Lioren said. "Considering my crime, I
expected a violent reaction from them, but instead they "
"Did you hope that they would kill you?" O'Mara broke in again. "Was that the
reason for your visit?"
"It was not!" Lioren said sharply. "I went there to apologize. That is a
shameful enough act for any Tarlan to perform because it is considered to be a
cowardly and dishonorable attempt to diminish personal guilt and avoid just
punishment. But it is not as shameful as escaping that punishment by
deliberately ending one's life. There are degrees of shame, and from my recent
contacts with patients I have discovered that there are feelings of shame that
may be misplaced or unnecessary.''
"Goon," O'Mara said.
"As yet I do not fully understand the psychological mechanism involved,"
Lioren replied, "but I have discovered that in certain circumstances a
personal
apology, while shameful to the entity making it, can sometimes do more to ease
the hurt of a victim than the simple knowledge that the offender is receiving
just punishment. It seems that vengeance, even judicial vengeance, does not
fully satisfy the victim and that a sincere expression of regret for the wrong
committed can ease the pain or loss more than the mere knowledge that justice
is being done. When the apology is followed by forgiveness on the part of the
wronged entity, there are much more beneficial and lasting effects for both
victim and perpetrator.
"When I identified myself in the Cromsaggar ward," Lioren went on, "there was
a strong probability that lethal violence would ensue. It was no longer my
wish to die, because the work of this department is very interesting and there
may be more that I can do here, but I felt strongly that I should try to ease
the hurt of the Cromsaggar with an apology, and did so. I did not expect what
happened then."
In a very quiet voice O'Mara asked, "You are still insisting that you, a
Wearer of the Blue Cloak of Tarla with all that that implies, apologized?"
The question had already been answered so Lioren continued. "I had forgotten
that the Cromsaggar are a civilized race forced by disease to wage war. They
fought with great ferocity because they had to try their hardest to engender
the fear of imminent death in each other if their formerly impaired
sex-involved endocrine systems were to be stimulated to the point where they
would become briefly capable of conceiving children. But while fighting they
learned to exercise strict mental and emotional control, and refuse to
surrender to anger or hatred, because they loved and respected the opponents
they were trying so hard to damage almost to the point of death. They had to
fight to insure the continual survival of their species, but the wounds they
inflicted and sustained were personal to themselves. They could not have
continued to fight and respect and love each other if they had not also [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl szkicerysunki.xlx.pl
he could make it without interruption.
Trying to show neither haste nor hesitation, Lioren walked down the ward in a
gathering silence. He looked briefly at the seated or recumbent patients he
passed, and they stared back at him. He had never learned to read Cromsaggar
facial expressions and had no idea of what they were thinking. When he reached
the largest group of patients he stopped.
"I am Lioren," he said.
Page 126
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
It was obvious that they already knew who and what he was. The patients who
had been sitting or lying on the nearby beds rose quickly to their feet and
gathered around him, and those further along the ward hurried to join the
others until he was completely encircled by still and silent Cromsaggar.
A sharp, clear memory of his first meeting with one of them rose in Lioren's
mind. It had been a female attacking him in defense of an imagined threat to
infants sleeping in another part of its dwelling, and even though its body had
displayed the discoloration and muscle wastage of disease and malnutrition, it
had come close to inflicting serious injury on him. Now he was surrounded by
more than thirty Cromsaggar whose bodies and limbs were well-muscled and
healthy. He knew well the damage that those horny, long-nailed feet and hard
medial hands could inflict because he had seen them fighting each other not
quite to the death.
On Cromsag they had fought with ferocity but total control, with the intention
of inflicting maximum damage short of killing, and with the sole purpose of
stirring their near-atrophied endocrine systems into sufficient activity to
enable them to procreate and survive as a species. But Lioren was not another
Cromsaggar and would-be mate; he was the creature responsible for countless
thousands of their deaths and of all but destroying their race. They might not
want to control the hatred they must feel for him, or the urge to tear his
body apart limb from limb.
He wondered whether the distant Hellishomar was still influencing the minds of
the guard and the two nurses, for normally they could not have helped seeing
the crowd closing in around him and would have attempted a rescue. He wished
that the
Groalterri would not be so thorough in its mind control because suddenly he
did not want his life to end in this or any other fashion, and then he
realized that his thoughts were clear to Hellishomar and he felt an even
greater shame.
That which he was about to do and say was shameful enough without adding to it
the dishonor of personal cowardice. Slowly he looked at each one of the faces
surrounding him and spoke.
"I am Lioren," he said. "You know that I am the being responsible for causing
the deaths of many thousands of your people. This was a crime too great for
expiation and it is only fair that the punishment should lie in your hands.
But before this punishment is carried out, I wish to say that I am truly sorry
for what I have done, and humbly ask your forgiveness."
The feeling of shame at what he had just done was not as intense as he had
expected, Lioren thought as he waited for the onslaught. In fact he felt
relieved and very good.
Chapter 27
THE Monitor guard insists that he did not see you enter the ward," the Chief
Psychologist said in a quiet but very angry voice, "and the nurses did not
know you were there until the Cromsaggar were suddenly standing around and
shouting at you. When the guard went in to investigate you told him that he
should not be concerned, that they were having a religious argument which he
was welcome to join, although he says that he had heard quieter riots. Tarlans
are not noted either for their sarcasm or their sense of humor, so I must
assume you spoke the truth. What happened in that ward, dammit? Or have you
imposed another oath of secrecy on yourself?"
"No, sir," Lioren replied quietly. "The conversations were public and
confidentiality was neither asked for nor implied. When you sent for me I was
preparing a detailed report for you on the whole "
"Summarize it," O'Mara said sharply.
"Yes, sir," Lioren said, and tried to find a balance between accuracy and
brevity as he went on. "When I identified myself, apologized, and asked
forgiveness for the great wrong I had committed against them "
"You apologized?" O'Mara broke in. "That that was unexpected."
Page 127
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
"So was the behavior of the Cromsaggar," Lioren said. "Considering my crime, I
expected a violent reaction from them, but instead they "
"Did you hope that they would kill you?" O'Mara broke in again. "Was that the
reason for your visit?"
"It was not!" Lioren said sharply. "I went there to apologize. That is a
shameful enough act for any Tarlan to perform because it is considered to be a
cowardly and dishonorable attempt to diminish personal guilt and avoid just
punishment. But it is not as shameful as escaping that punishment by
deliberately ending one's life. There are degrees of shame, and from my recent
contacts with patients I have discovered that there are feelings of shame that
may be misplaced or unnecessary.''
"Goon," O'Mara said.
"As yet I do not fully understand the psychological mechanism involved,"
Lioren replied, "but I have discovered that in certain circumstances a
personal
apology, while shameful to the entity making it, can sometimes do more to ease
the hurt of a victim than the simple knowledge that the offender is receiving
just punishment. It seems that vengeance, even judicial vengeance, does not
fully satisfy the victim and that a sincere expression of regret for the wrong
committed can ease the pain or loss more than the mere knowledge that justice
is being done. When the apology is followed by forgiveness on the part of the
wronged entity, there are much more beneficial and lasting effects for both
victim and perpetrator.
"When I identified myself in the Cromsaggar ward," Lioren went on, "there was
a strong probability that lethal violence would ensue. It was no longer my
wish to die, because the work of this department is very interesting and there
may be more that I can do here, but I felt strongly that I should try to ease
the hurt of the Cromsaggar with an apology, and did so. I did not expect what
happened then."
In a very quiet voice O'Mara asked, "You are still insisting that you, a
Wearer of the Blue Cloak of Tarla with all that that implies, apologized?"
The question had already been answered so Lioren continued. "I had forgotten
that the Cromsaggar are a civilized race forced by disease to wage war. They
fought with great ferocity because they had to try their hardest to engender
the fear of imminent death in each other if their formerly impaired
sex-involved endocrine systems were to be stimulated to the point where they
would become briefly capable of conceiving children. But while fighting they
learned to exercise strict mental and emotional control, and refuse to
surrender to anger or hatred, because they loved and respected the opponents
they were trying so hard to damage almost to the point of death. They had to
fight to insure the continual survival of their species, but the wounds they
inflicted and sustained were personal to themselves. They could not have
continued to fight and respect and love each other if they had not also [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
